Keeping in the theme of “what are you trying to accomplish?”, we have our first example of the hostile approach to online dating. There are a few things at play here. First, this person is automatically dealing with a strong self of entitlement (perhaps even narcissism). There’s a sense that the world owes her exactly what she wants and every time she is presented with someone that doesn’t fit that, it’s a huge hassle for her. “She’s super intelligent and doesn’t have time for any nonsense, you guys!”
Second, the point of online dating is to attract people with your profile. Many people (because of the above-mentioned entitlement) believe that it’s more important to filter people out than attract them. The problem with that approach is that you don’t just filter out the people you wouldn’t like; you also filter out anyone who would like to form a connection with a positive, welcoming human being (so, pretty much everyone except low-self-esteem masochists). So this is her chance to make a good first impression, and this woman chooses to sneer at nearly everyone. Let’s go through it:
- The first sentence isn’t even an intelligible sentence so let’s move on…
- Lists a few things right up front that tend to be red flags to most people, and then has the temerity to assume you don’t know what they mean and to go look it up (already we are hit with unearned condescension).
- “If you can’t comprehend that [then swipe left]” – the condescension builds. One thing you’ll notice about people in general: the less intelligent they are, the more intelligent they think they are (Dunning-Kruger effect).
- “No Trump supporters” – I’m going to get into this more in detail later, but suffice it to say, there are tons of people (especially women) on dating apps with this in their profile. In fact, the apps are flooded with them. Ever wonder why they aren’t getting picked by anyone?
- “Intelligent pothead preferred” – leaving aside what most might consider a contradiction there, we are still harping on “intelligence”. One begins to get the sense that this woman may have settled on “I’m smarter than most” as a coping mechanism to deal with the fact that no one wants to be around her or that people are constantly telling her facts that she doesn’t want to hear.
- And then finally, she hyperbolically berates literally everyone that reads her profile about their hygiene, acting like everyone’s nagging mom.
I wish that this profile was an outlier and that this level of entitled hostility was rare. Unfortunately, it’s not. And the ironic thing is that it’s most common with the women who are the least physically desirable to begin with (I didn’t include her picture because I’m already coming down pretty hard on her but trust me when I say…no). This is a sign of our current culture, where people are told that being fat is beautiful and being unpleasant means you’re a “queen”. Needless to say, if you’re a man, stay far away from any woman who even has a whiff of entitled hostility in her profile. At best, she’s just full of resentment and baggage from past relationships or a horrible childhood. At worst, she’s mentally ill. And if you’re a woman that thinks she might have let some bitterness seep into her profile, please go back and remove it. And then realize that finding good, authentic people to connect with is hard, and getting harder. The world doesn’t owe you a life partner (or even a “friends with benefits”) and the more bitter and resentful you are, the more likely you will just be alone until and unless you sort that out.