Before I dive into this new blog directly, I want to explain the purpose, the methods, and add some disclaimers (because I’m guaranteed to get tons of social media push-back on nearly every blog post, just you watch).
The aim of the Rational Dating Blog is to improve the chances that my readers find love – that is, long term romantic partnership. This will include, but not be limited to, examples of online profiles that do things really well and lots of profiles that do things extremely wrong (trust me, it’s a hellscape of awful profiles out there). I’ll also discuss certain trends that I notice, things to keep in mind when you start talking to people for the first time, great ways to break the ice, and even answering any questions I get from people (feel free to write in).
Now, the sticking point is that I’m going to offend people. Lots of people. On one level, that’s a good thing. People need to be challenged on wrong or ineffective ideas, as it’s the only way people can break free of their counter-productive patterns. I know that this won’t matter to the people who get defensive, but the goal is never to hurt anyone’s feelings; it’s always going to be “collateral damage”, but it’s never the point.
Another thing to consider is that I deal in generalities. All the time. And we all do, even if some of us refuse to admit it. It saddens me that I need to spell this out, but in today’s narcissistic, “You don’t know me!” culture, it must be said – in these generalized formats (blog, podcast, casual conversation) I usually have to speak to the average person, not the outliers. Of course, we all have idiosyncrasies that make us unique, but there’s a reason it’s called “the average”. Most people follow most common patterns in their lives. Yes, there are some submissive polyamorous men out there and some dominatrix asexual women, but they are few and far between. I’m sure I’ll address those outliers in time, but for the most part, I’m talking to John and Jane Average.
And who are John and Jane? Well, John wants to find a kind, sweet, nurturing, reasonably attractive woman to be the eventual mother of his children and committed partner through thick and thin. He wants someone he can count on to maintain a stable foundation from which to create a comforting home and loving family life. Jane, on the other hand, wants a rational, protective provider (does not preclude her having her own career), who acts as a stabilizing force to any emotional turmoil. She wants to know that her man is almost always right in his decision making, and has the will and ambition to turn his desires into reality for the two of them, as well as their eventual children.
These are just the broad strokes and the blog will get into great detail about John and Jane over time. But establishing this baseline is important to understanding the motivation that underlies the Rational Dating Blog. You may have your profile set up to maximize the pursuit of as much casual sex as you can handle. That’s fine, more power to you. I would argue that it’s still helpful to read this blog because that will get tiresome after a while, but it’s okay if lots of what I say here directly contradicts your approach. It’s meant to – snagging a good wife is a completely different mission than getting laid by a different woman every week.
Lastly, if you are an outlier (I certainly am), and you want personalized advice on how to achieve your romantic goals, please don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a session. While some approaches to online dating are ineffective regardless of your goals, there are tons of people out there that simply want something different than the norm, and that’s great. I can definitely help you get what you want. And even if you are John or Jane Average, but you just want me to help lead you through making the perfect profile for you, I’m happy to help there as well. As much as I’m going to try to make this blog as universally informative as possible, nothing beats individualized attention and a profile tailor-made to maximize all of your strengths and fill in the gaps where, inevitably, you will be different than the average.
I hope you laugh at, ponder, get defensive at, grapple with your defensiveness from, learn from, and ultimately enjoy your time reading this blog. One way or another, it’s going to be a fun ride.